“We’re a strange pair, aren’t we?” — Roy Walker

What’s it all about? During the 1920s, a five-year-old girl (Catinca Untaru) is hospitalized from a fall in a Los Angeles orange grove. She develops an unlikely friendship with Roy (Lee Pace), a Hollywood stuntman injured after a near-fatal set accident and, more importantly, betrayed by his beloved. Near suicidal, Roy uses an elaborate tale as a means to manipulate the young Alexandria. The result is heartbreaking.

I know I’m only supposed to review movies I’ve never seen, but I was just in a terrible mood this morning and wanted a pick-me-up. So, of course, I go for the movie about depression, lost love and suicide. But have you seen this movie? It’s quite possibly the most-watched movie I own.

Director Tarsem Singh filmed “The Fall” over a period of four years in eighteen different countries. It was largely financed with Tarsem’s own funds and later adopted by producers Spike Jonze and David Fincher. Its leading male (Lee Pace, never better) remained in a bed or wheelchair throughout most of the early production, convincing many of the cast and crew that he was unable to walk. He and Tarsem encouraged this thought because they wanted the young actress who played Alexandria to believe it herself. The script between Roy and Alexandria is largely unscripted. This creates an atmosphere of realism in the hospital room that is beyond engaging. “The Fall” really is about a young girl and her friendship with an injured man.

There is absolutely no CGI in this movie, which sounds impossible when you’re actually watching the movie. But that’s how damn good Tarsem and his crew are in “The Fall”. Sounds amazing, right? The weirdest thing is that no one has heard of this movie — and if they have it’s from negative press. I can’t fathom how anyone can disapprove of this movie, and I always grow warmer to people if they ever bring this movie up in conversation.

Favourite Scene: The emotional climax between Roy and Alexandria is so heartbreaking that I refuse to spoil it even a little bit. Just watch the goddamned movie.

Notes: Directed by Tarsem Singh; Produced by Ajit Singh, Tommy Turtle, Tarsem Singh; Written by Dan Gilroy, Nico Soultanakis, Tarsem Singh; Starring Lee Pace, Catinca Untaru, Justine Waddell; Music by Krishna Levy; Cinematography Colin Watkinson; Editing by Robert Duffy, Spot Welders.

“You know, Okwe, good at chess usually means bad at life.“

What’s it all about? Okwe (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a former doctor in Nigeria, drives a cab in London during the day and mans the front desk of a hotel by night. He shares an apartment with Senay (Audrey Tautou), a Turkish maid in the same hotel, until the immigration police begin to pursue them.

I didn’t know all that much about “Dirty Pretty Things” before pressing play on my DVD player (or rather my XBOX). I had recently read a good review of the film, but I tried not to delve too much into finding out the plot, setting, etc. I wanted to see this film with fresh eyes, and I appreciate my forethought. Chiwetel Ejiofor is a remarkable presence as the film’s lead; supported by the always-stunning Audrey Tautou. From the first to last frame, I was so enthralled by this social/political/emotional thriller, and cared so deeply for the characters and the situation in which they found themselves that I ignored three phone calls. Do yourself a favour and rent “Dirty Pretty Things”. Hell, buy the movie — it’s completely worth it.

Favourite Scene: The conversation between Okwe and Senay at the end of the film came as a surprise, to say the least. Much like I did with “Roman Holiday“, I screamed at my television screen and then felt like crying profusely. I remedied this impulse with copious amounts of ice-cream and an episode of “The Big Bang Theory”.

Notes: Directed by Stephen Frears; Produced by Robert Jones, Tracey Seaward; Written by Steven Knight; Starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sophie Okonedo, Israel Aduramo, Sergi López, Benedict Wong, Audrey Tautou; Music by Nathan Larson; Cinematography by Chris Menges; Editing by Mick Audsley.

What’s it all about? “In this stunning sci-fi thriller in the mould of Alien, a deep space mission crew faces a terrifying new discovery.” — Toronto After Dark

Made over eight years and with less than two million dollars, Cargo, the first science fiction film from Switzerland, is a astonishing addition to the genre. I went into the screening with thoughts of Alien, and came out with comparisons to Moon.

Cargo follows Laura as she spends eight years of her life — for the most part in cryogenic sleep — as the medic of a cargo ship. After these eight years, she will have made enough money to live on Rhea, the new planet inhabited by humans, and be reunited with her sister. Things get complicated, however, when the cryogenic sleeps of the cargo ship’s inhabitants are disturbed by an unknown source.

The film has an incredibly tight narrative structure, which was a breath of fresh and much-needed air between screenings of Doghouse, Evil — In the Time of Heroes and RoboGeisha. There are only one or two scenes that felt excessive — as if they were there to satisfy conventions of the genre. On the whole, however, the storytelling is imaginative and original with traces of Moon, Alien and The Matrix.

The world that Engler and Etter create is stunning in its cinematography and special effects. To even consider that the film was made for two million dollars feels outrageous. The first shots of the space station are over-and-above the Hollywood standard and make me guffaw slightly when recalling the last Star Wars installment. Perhaps the succeeding special effects are not as remarkable, but those opening shots make you sit up in your chair and pay attention.

Favourite Scene: The juxtaposition between Laura’s existence on the cargo ship and that on Rhea. Yes, she’s the same person — but you can see why life on Rhea is intoxicating and overwhelming in comparison to the stark, monotone world of living in space.

Toronto After Dark Film Festival runs from August 13-20, featuring gala parties, nightly pub social events, Q&A’s with filmmakers and a zombie appreciation night with reduced tickets for the undead. For complete festival and film info including trailers and advanced tickets, visit www.torontoafterdark.com.

Notes: Directed by Ivan Engler, Ralph Etter; Written by Arnold Bucher, Ivan Engler; Starring Anna-Katharina Schwabroh, Martin Rapold, Regula Grauwiller, Yangzom Brauen, Pierre Semmler.

What’s it all about? “A story about Robert, a tire with feelings. DJ Mr Oizo’s offbeat film was the talk of the Cannes Film Festival.” — Toronto After Dark

Throughout the Toronto After Dark Film Festival, I was repeatedly criticized for not being excited for the screening of Rubber. I considered not even showing up that night until The Human Centipede screening. But can you blame me? The entirety of my understanding of the film was based on the following trailer:

There. So, a tire pivots and suddenly a bird blows up? Colour me unimpressed and mystified. But after heavy cajoling, I relented. And thank god I did.

The first lines of Rubber: “In Steven Speilburg’s E.T., why is the alien brown? No reason.” This great snippet of dialogue is followed by five minutes of pure comedic gold. I have not laughed that much since I saw Ricky Oh: The Story of Ricky — but this time the comedy was intentional.

The film never addresses its lack of “reason” and plausibility. When the tire starts blowing up progressively larger objects — water bottle, scorpion, bunny, bird, human — with its ‘mind’, the audience never told why or even how. The film breaks the fourth-wall, uses meta conventions, and the characters questions their own existence and reality: “No, it’s not real life. Look at you, you have a toy alligator under your arm.”

Along with Cargo and The Last Exorcism, Rubber is by far the greatest selection made by this year’s TADFF programmers — reason be damned.

Favourite Scene: I could watch the opening scene with the Sheriff on repeat. As soon as he fumbled out of the trunk of the police car and grabbed his glass of water, I was sold. I knew I had made a terrible mistake thinking poorly of this film.

Toronto After Dark Film Festival runs from August 13-20, featuring gala parties, nightly pub social events, Q&A’s with filmmakers and a zombie appreciation night with reduced tickets for the undead. For complete festival and film info including trailers and advanced tickets, visit www.torontoafterdark.com.

Notes: Directed by Quentin Dupieux, Produced by Julien Berlan, Gregory Bernard, Written by Quentin Dupieux, Starring Wings Hauser, Alice Taglioni, Ethan Cohn, Music by Gaspard Augé, Mr. Oizo, Cinematography by Quentin Dupieux, Editing by Quentin Dupieux.

What’s it all about? “In the most talked about horror film of the year, a doctor performs a disturbing medical procedure on his patients.” — Toronto After Dark

Before the screening of Tom Six’s – Logan’s Run, anyone? – The Human Centipede, three audience members were invited on the stage to reenact the infamous ‘centipede’ and crawl across the stage face-to-rear. The guy was much, much too eager. It was by far one of the funniest things I have seen in The Bloor Cinema and that, along with the couple that constantly made out during horror film, started off a very interesting evening.

The Human Centipede begins with the introduction of two American tourists who immediately lose the audience’s sympathy with their repetition of “Oh My God!” and complete absence of acting abilities. These women embody some of the worst female stereotypes in the horror genre: overly-emotional, unintelligent, naive and thoroughly irritating. On the whole, this film could be ripped apart by a feminist dissection of the script — but I won’t dig into that mess. Let’s just say that these girls would have been perfectly fine if they knew how to change a tire.

For me, the film’s horror comes in the anticipation of the medical procedure — a procedure that I have since learned is one hundred percent medically accurate. After you’ve seen the film, you will understand why I felt the film’s finest moments of horror were short-lived before spiraling into tonal disorder.

And I’d like to ask: What does the subtitle “The First Sequence” mean? Is this a trilogy or something?

Toronto After Dark Film Festival runs from August 13-20, featuring gala parties, nightly pub social events, Q&A’s with filmmakers and a zombie appreciation night with reduced tickets for the undead. For complete festival and film info including trailers and advanced tickets, visit www.torontoafterdark.com.

Notes: Directed by Tom Six; Produced by Tom Six, Ilona Six; Written by Tom Six; Starring Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura; Music by Patrick Savage, Holeg Spies; Cinematography by Goof de Koning; Editing by Tom Six.